“Being at ARC has shown me that a sober life is a life worth living. I have built a sober network that has allowed me to progress in my sobriety. I have gained the tools to remain clean and have built a solid foundation to start my new life.”
I am the youngest of five children and four of the five are alcoholic or addicts. I started drinking when I was 13 years old. I had my first drink by accident. I was choking and I grabbed a glass thinking it was water but it wasn’t. It was peppermint schnapps and I really liked it a lot. It felt good inside of me. I don’t know if that started me on the road I’ve traveled or not. I know by the time I was 16 I was drinking whenever I could. I met my father that year and drank with him and started smoking pot. I grew up most of my life with self doubt and feeling like I’ve never fit in which I feel led me to hate the person I was and feel like I was a burden to others. So I never stayed in one place very much so I moved a lot. Every time I wore my welcome out I would pick up and move on. So I have been homeless a large part of my life due to drinking and drugs. I have lived in 9 different states. I have always been an angry person and thrived on violence in my life. I have also dealt with depression throughout my life. It has affected my drinking a lot due to times I was depressed. I would drink more and do more drugs to feel better. In 2003 I got married and due to my drinking and anger we got divorced. I was very dominating and would intimidate her and anyone around her. I have gotten a lot in my life through intimidation. After my divorce I really went off the deep end. I was drunk pretty much everyday. I continued to be this way for a couple of years till I moved to Branson, MO where I became part of a church army. It was a christian based recovery center and I was able to stay sober over a year but it didn’t last like most recovery homes I was in. I couldn’t find the structure I needed in my life so I started drinking again like I never stopped. I took a job traveling to Florida doing sales where my boss left me and I had to go to the Salvation Army to get a bus ticket to Buford, Ga so I could stay with my sister. I would drink a lot there and started using meth and did that for 3 months when one day I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I was better than that. My eyes sunk in and I had lost over 40 pounds in that three months. That day I moved to Athens where my other sister was here in a recovery house. I started getting into the recovery in Athens. I stayed homeless for a while. Since I’ve been in Athens I have been at 2 different recovery centers. In a recovery home you have to get a sheet signed and go to a house meeting. In a recovery center like ARC you get treatment like Anger management, Step Study, Recovery check-in, moral recognition therapy, healthy relationships, and early recovery skills. That is what makes it a center and makes a difference. Before I came to ARC I was living on the street because I was caught at my last recovery center doing drugs. I came here shaking with detox because of drinking so hard. I want to thank Brandy for starting this program and giving men like me another chance. Since I have been at ARC I have changed a lot. I was very angry and depressed. I have been able to hang onto my job which will be a year on October 2nd and change my anger and get the medication I need for depression. I have been able to realize I am important and I am not a burden on others. That I can love others and work for what I need in my life and not be a violent person. I can’t say I totally love myself today but it’s progress not perfection, I am getting there. For my future goals after my year god be willing that I make it to December, I would like to stay on at ARC to help others and get myself more balanced in how to live in my own apartment and not use. I feel as long as I keep close to my sponsor and my home group and ARC I can be successful in my life.
Jason A.
Dear Addiction, Saying goodbye to you seems like the hardest thing I ever have to do, you’ve been around for quite some time, and I thought you’d never leave. I remember when you first came into my life. I thought you would ease the pain and suffering away. You brought more pain and suffering and became the neediest relationship I ever had. All you did was take and take, but you never gave. Actually you did give me heartache and burned bridges. You gave me sorrow and torn apart relationships. Addiction you’re a liar and a thief and a cruel monster. When things begin to look up you grabbed me by the feet and pulled me back into the mess. When I wanted to change for the better you told me I couldn’t live without you. You made me who I hated the most. I tried to leave you before but you came back even stronger than before. You physically and menally made me sick. People thought I loved you more but that was far from the truth. I watched you dig my grave as the days went by. It’s been some time since I left you and that grave. I still hate you, and I still hate what you did to me and the people I loved. So goodbye to meth, I never want to see you again, and by the way I’m telling everyone how horrible you are.
Clayton B.
I’m writing to you to say that we are done. For the past eighteen years you have taken everything from me and I can’t take it anymore. You took my family from me and made them turn their back on me because you were in my life. Yes you made me blind because I trusted you because you told me nobody cared. You made me lose my home that I was buying for my kids. I didn’t know why you lied to me and wanted to destroy everything I had going for me. You said you wouldn’t hurt me but you stabbed me in the back so many times. Now I am letting you take a hike and hope you walk off a cliff and die. To tell you the truth I’ve found the most important things in my life and that is my higher power and myself. Just to think I believed your lying ass as long as I did was really stupid of me. You told me it was my fault that my sister and brother died and I believed you for so long and I believed you when I shouldn’t have because I wouldn’t have been able to stop it anyways because God called them home. Everyday you told me I was the problem when in all reality it was you. You turned me into something that I never want to see again and that was a monster. So now I hope you understand why I’m telling you goodbye. Then all I can and will say to you is this, it’s like a long bridge and one day you will get over it. So do me a favor and pack your bags and do like horse shit and hit the dusty trail. Goodbye forever.
Earl W.
Dear Addiction,
How ya doing? Long time no see. Me? For the first time in a long time, I’m doing great. I’m writing to you to say that it’s over between us. I just spent the last ten months in jail because of you. I won’t deny that it was I who initiated our time together, but I realize it was the worst mistake of my life. In the beginning things between us were straight. It was fun. adventurous and we had a hell of a time. At first we hung out every now and then. That turned into every weekend, which eventually turned into every day, numerous times a day. You took over my life, every fucking aspect. I had a great life. A career. Nice house. Nice car. Beautiful wife. Friends and family that cared. Slowly but surely, every single one of those mentioned above became a memory. The fact that you single handedly took ALL of that away from me is fucking mind boggling. Fuck you and the neddle you rode in on. You forced me to lie, steal, deceive and worst of all, you were literally killing my wife and I. My wife has an immune system disorder, so she got sick very easily as it is. For five years I sat back and allowed you to dictate out health, especially hers, and I could do nothing about it. Day in and day out, I watered and contributed to the declining health. How in the world did you turn me into the biggest certified piece of shit for allowing you to almost kill both of us? Because of you, I burned so many bridges that it looked like a war zone. I was living in my car. Never had money for food, gas, and basic necessities that a normal person should have. Somehow though, I always had enough to find you. My addiction. Stealing generators, pressure washers, chainsaws, anything I could sell for me to fire your fire. You probably would have finished me off had I not been arrested that fateful day. It stopped being fun a long time ago because you selfishly took me away from my normal life and imprisoned me, held me hostage and refused to let me go. Even ten months later, after I kicked your bitch ass to the curb, you’re still wreaking havoc in my life. The most important person in my life, my wife, has left me because of you, we are now split up. I thought your bullshit was done and yet here you are rearing your face again. You went for the sweep in a seven game series. Taking a three game to nothing lead on my life. You took my career, my home and now my relationship with my wife. There is one thing, however, you failed to do, and that is finish me off when you had the chance. Now it’s time for a comeback. I do not lose and as you will find out, failure is not in my vocabulary, nor an option. I WILL win. I WILL beat you. You might as well go ahead and start marching. Because you just ran into 300 spartans. I’m here for my #1 spot, so it’s time to shit or get off the pot. It used to be I had an infatuation with your temptation. As long as I’m alive, you my addiction will never be able to stop my drive. Anything less than that is just considered suicide. My life was in the drain and I covered it up by shame so don’t you dare tell me about pain. 24/7 I’m going to get my shine on and I know I will win because my mind will stay strong. No more taking 5 steps forward than 10 steps back. Those days are over. I know you envy me deep in your heart. But just know that won’t stop me from ripping you apart. For every addict that is going through the same struggle but I will not fold or buckle. I’m done having to answer to you. I’m at a great place in life now. With a great support system here at ARC. So Sianora Addiction. Life is better, so consider this my last letter. With you, everyday was the same. So now, don’t you ever forget my name because I’m burying you.
James G.
Dear Alcohol,
I want to start out by saying that I finally am at the point in my life where I can finally say goodbye to you. You will no longer control my life. I’ve known you for almost thirty years and at first you were fun and enjoyable but over the years I lost control over you and allowed you to take over. I have lost so many things over the years. From failed relationships, strained relationships with family, losing jobs, friends, apartments, cars and so on. I have tried giving you up in the past but I was powerless against you. But this last relapse was the last time. I got to the point where I was at my worst and lost everything and just didn’t care anymore about anything. And then something clicked. So one thing I can thank you for is that hitting rock bottom made me realize that I want a different life. A better life without you and that’s what brought me to ARC, to take back power over my own life. Your’s no more.
Juan A.
